By: Lisa Cavallaro – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
The fact that you’re here exploring ways to stop your kid from being bullied tells me something. It tells me you do your research and you’re looking for something new and different. You and your child may have received helpful information from anti-bully programs, but the problem still exists. You have a distinct feeling in your gut that there must be more you can do to help your child.
You’re right. There are things you can do… beginning with something subtle and behind the scenes. What may surprise you is that the subtle things you do can make a huge difference. You alone can make things better for both of you. Your child and you can feel less worried and more in control of a situation you now feel powerless in.
What I do with parents is I have them create what I call a bully paradigm shift (BPS) . In creating this BPS, I encourage the parent to take everything she currently knows about her child’s bully experience and erase it. Of course, it’s not like a parent can forget what’s going on when her kid is being bullied. But the point is if she keeps dwelling on how “bad” things are and how her child is being victimized, then that’s all she’s ever going to see.
To observe positive change happening, you have to be on the lookout for something better than what’s currently happening. If you only view your situation from the perspective of how it is right now, then you’re limiting yourself and your child from experiencing greater possibilities.
You want better things to happen. The first step is gaining some clarity on what you’d like while knowing that it’s possible.
To get the most clarity from the BPS, it’s important to write on paper (phone or computer will do) what you want for your child. The exercise feels kind of weird at first because it’s hard to imagine anything different from the current reality. But once people get going with it, ideas pour in and before we know it, a parent will have a clear picture of how she’d like her kid’s peer relationships to work. The BPS gives parents a new lens to use when viewing the child and his/her peer relationships.
Parents refer to their BPS at least twice daily as a reminder of what’s possible for their child. Each time they read their BPS, the brain receives messages of what’s possible and these messages act as alerts to the parent throughout her day. When thoughts of her child or the peer situation come up, the parent begins to view from a lens programmed to let her see what she wants to see for her child.
When small change begins it then sends reinforcing proof to the parent’s brain that this is a new reality. This positive change is what’s real now for the parent and for the child. The parent continues re-programming her brain using her daily BPS reminders and also continues seeing more proof of things improving for her child.
The BPS is a process that works. Things can get better for your child and it’s something you get to orchestrate from behind the scenes. I’ve been where you are. Trust me… you’re both going to be okay.
Lisa Cavallaro, The Confidence Coach, is an LOA Coach with a solution-focused spin on bullying. She helps parents leverage Law of Attraction to raise kids who are self-confident and have a positive outlook toward peers, school and life. Lisa is the author of No More Drama and ADHD The Natural Way.
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