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Category: Relate

Why education will never stop rape

Reading Time: 10 minutesSexual violence is a global social phenomena wrapped up in misogyny, hypersexualisation of society and children, economic factors, power struggles, porn culture, rape myths, weak laws and… individual motivations.

The uncomfortable truth is that our education cannot undo the damage our society has already done – and we cannot use education of individuals to change the way our entire society of millions of people have absorbed messages from porn, advertisement, patriarchy and the media.

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Podcast: Transgression, Crushes, and Monogamish

Reading Time: 2 minutesLet’s talk about transgression – what’s behind it, why do we do it, and how do we make sense of it within committed relationships. And because you can’t really talk about transgression without mentioning monogamy and attraction for others, we’re talking about that, too. Oh, and a disclaimer before you hear this episode: the vibe we’re putting off in this episode did not happen overnight. It took years for us to be this open, honest, and playful with each other, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Podcast: Youth Mental Health First Aid

Reading Time: 1 minuteShannon Decker is Executive Director of The Speedy Foundation. The foundation was formed after Jeret “Speedy” Peterson died by suicide in July of 2011. Jeret was an American World Cup aerial skier and silver medalist at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver. The Speedy Foundation’s mission is to prevent suicide, promote conversations to end stigma, and support mental health education. Shannon talks about the warning signs of suicide and what to do if someone you love is having thoughts of self-harm. She discusses some of her interactions with teens affected by suicide, hopeful programs that she is seeing across the country and her work as a Mental Health First Aid Trainer.

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Dear Almost Good Enough Lover

Reading Time: 3 minutesAt the end of our relationship, I will blame you for not making me happy. I will resent everything you do to try to make me happy. If you leave me alone I’ll resent that too. I will tell you, you’re not good enough until you believe it. I will hate myself for what I’ve become, bone dry and bitter. I don’t know how long it will take to get to the end. Maybe it will be weeks. Maybe it will be years. Maybe we will get stuck there forever, but if we do, at least we won’t be alone and I’ll have plenty of shoes.

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Mother Blame, Mother Love

Reading Time: 3 minutesHow do you find peace with your mother memories, with your relationship with your children, with yourself?

I believe the answer lies in mother forgiveness.

Forgive your mother.

Forgive yourself.

Forgive every transgression, real or perceived. Forgive every lie, forgive every mistake, forgive every mean word, forgive every eye roll.

Simply forgive.

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You Might Fail and It Might Be Better For You Than You Think

Reading Time: 4 minutesReally bold courageous people know that there is very little risk in failing because they’ve got a lot of experience with it. When they take on something new, they do it knowing that “failing” is an option but that potential failure isn’t really a cause for concern. It’s not a preferred outcome, but if they fail, it’s a temporary event, not a defining moment. 

Luck tends to favor the bold and nothing makes us more risk-tolerant than a string of failures. 

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About that Boyfriend I Could Take Out in Public

Reading Time: 4 minutesIf you’re looking around your life baffled by why someone else is showing up as a class one asshole, you probably don’t need to look any further than yourself for the explanation. Your self-worth is sub-par, probably really subpar. You’ve got work on you to do.

You can’t change anyone else. You can only change you.

Work on yourself.
Love on yourself.
Be with yourself tenderly.

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Can we stop saying, ‘She could have been your daughter’?

Reading Time: 6 minutesThe approach of this sentiment is to gain empathy or understanding from the other person by encouraging them to imagine that the rape or abuse could have happened to their female family member. People would most likely assume that by using this retort, the person might think ‘Oh gosh, yes, I would hate it if that happened to my own daughter, maybe I need to re-evaluate why I blame women and girls for rape?’

The reality is a little bit murkier than that. The reality is less optimistic and less effective than that.

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Reading Time: 3 minutesI’m learning to celebrate the small victories.  My son ate a bowl of homemade soup BEFORE he ate mac and cheese.  My husband and I managed to get through a whole weekend at home without having adult meltdowns.  I started walking my son into school again, because, well I felt guilty and sometimes it’s just easier.  We move forward and we regress. That’s real life I think. That’s normal human growth. My life is a mess and I’m gonna be ok with that.

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My Boyfriend Wants to try Rape Fantasy Play – I’m a Sexual Assault Survivor

Reading Time: 3 minutesRape roleplay isn’t inherently bad or good, but I’m curious about your partner’s interest in it, and his role in it.

When children play games it’s not unusual for them to sometimes choose the “villain” role, because role play is a safe(r) way to experience something new, but it’s disconcerting and suggests a power imbalance if he pressures you to proceed with this, especially if he knows that you’ve been hurt by a rapist in real life.

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