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Don’t Make Big Decisions From A Small Place

by Confluence
Reading Time: 3 minutes

By: Jacqueline Gates

Don’t make big decisions from a small place

Interesting thing I’ve discovered recently …

When you make one firm, inner-guided STARself*-based decision … other decisions naturally and effortlessly follow. Including some you didn’t think you’d make.

*STARself {def. that way you are when you’re poised and radiant and showing up in-and-for the world in all your unique brilliance. You can call it your Higher Self or Actualized Self or Bigness. Whatever you call it, it’s you, at your glorious, show-stopping best.)

Last week, I jumped on to a 4 week video challenge with a coach-buddy of mine.

At the time, I was feeling stifled, confined, frustrated, so-close-I-can-taste-it but still STUCK. A challenge like this felt like the ideal jump-start, y’know?

Hell, I could dust off my camera skills, step into the spotlight again in front of a new audience, clarify my newly-honed message and kick my own arse into gear at the same time. No-brainer, right?

That’s what I thought … at the time.

Till the first challenge prompt came out.
And I did nothing. Well, not exactly nothing. I read the email and made a few notes. I didn’t make a video.
Then the second.
Again. Nothing, but some head nodding.
The third passed without my even opening the email.


As I saw the unread notices piling up in my inbox, I felt a surge of helpless rage at my own inactivity. What the hell was wrong with me??? Why wasn’t I doing the very thing I thought would solve everything?

There was nothing to do but take myself and my magic pen and plenty of blank pages off to my local coffee house.

(Extracting myself from my usual surroundings always gives me a fresh-and-clearer view of my life. Kinda like going on a holiday. Only closer. And cheaper. Usually with better coffee.)

With oatmilk latte at the ready, I poured my seethings and jumbled head-swirl into ruby-red inked words.

As I unraveled my thoughts onto those pages, a pattern emerged.

I’d been feeling unsuccessful, inconsequential, anonymous.
I was frustrated with my finances, my business, my book-writing, my food choices (helloooo, almond croissant!)

So, naturally, I’d grasped at the first thing that looked/felt like it might jolt me out of my inertia. A rescuer disguised as a solution. A distraction pretending to be useful work.

Once again, I’d made a big decision from a small place.

Then, as I sipped my latte and scanned the pages … I disconnected from She-Who-Dithers.

I straightened my spine, breathed deep and lifted my chin. Hello, STARself.

And from that glorious knowing, I made a different decision.

  • I decided to stop looking for more to do and just do ME.
  • I decided to stop scouring the internet for the magic key, and open the goddamn door myself.
  • I decided to stop piling on more new stuff and instead, devote myself to mastering what I’ve already got started.

In that moment, I knew exactly what needed to be done, what would get me out of my funk and back on track.

More importantly, I knew what needed to stop doing and what needed to be put down, rather than struggled through.

Weirdly, one of the things that needed to be put down was the video challenge that sparked this revelation in the first place.

Because … my plate is already so full of brilliant-projects-that-deserve-my-undivided-attention that ‘having to’ show up for someone else’s challenge felt like shackles-on, rather than the anticipated shackles-off.

Because … I felt stronger and centered and more aligned saying no,
than I did when I said yes.

Because … “I don’t want to” is a bloody good reason. As is, “I’ve changed my mind.”


Your STARself is you at your most fab, your most potent, your most poised and powerful.

When you’re rooted in your STARself, the out-of-reach becomes possible, and the ‘shoulds’ fade away.

Words flow. Inspiration calls. Next-steps are obvious.

It’s bliss-filled and bountiful. And it’s where-and-who you’re meant to be.

By tweaking your head patterns and your heartstrings, you can remember and re-own your STARself.
By tweaking your home, you can anchor it in your day-to-day world.

Today … Take some quiet time to explore your STARself.
Decide that you already are magnificent. Start there.
Step into it.
Own it.

A big decision made from a small place can make even the solutions feel harder, more exhausting.

Make a small decision made from a STARself-place, and watch the push-me-pull-you of life dissolve.


Jacqueline Gates has mastered the art of applying theatrical skills to anchor and amplify the manifesting technique known as acting-as-if.  Because when you begin LIVING-as-if you already are who you secretly dream of becoming, it won’t stay a secret very long.



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