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5 Habits of Self-sabotage to Stop Now

by Confluence
Reading Time: 4 minutes

By: Lisa M. Hayes – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.


Self-sabotage Habit #1: Needing “them” to understand you.

Seriously, say your peace and stop explaining yourself. Needing to be right and needing to be understood are two faces of the same shit hole.  
Say no without explanation. 
Say yes without justifying.
Walk away without making excuses.
Take your toys and go home if you want to. You don’t even need to say goodbye. You don’t owe anyone an explanation and they don’t owe you their approval. 
If someone doesn’t get it or get you, that is 100% totally ok. Do you, for you and start now without getting committee approval or consensus. 
Needing someone to understand is approval seeking in disguise.  
Stop it. You don’t need a permission slip. You’re an adult. 
Self-sabotage Habit #2: Throwing your money at or investing time with anyone or anything that leverages your insecurities.
For the love of Goddess and all things holy, why? If someone is making money off your insecurities OR using them to control you in some way why would you continue to play?
Plant yourself where you’re celebrated. Invest in people who invest in you. It’s as simple as that. You are 100% better off by yourself, all alone than you are spending even a minute with someone who isn’t happy just to be in your presence. When you set the bar at only hanging where you’re genuinely appreciated you won’t be alone for long. That mood is very sexy. 
You would also be 100% better off investing your cash in travel or your retirement than the next pill or program someone is pimping that’s supposed to fix you. Seriously, spend it on a nice dinner out or a weekend away. All that stuff you might buy is supposed to make you happier. So, skip to the end and have dessert first. You’ll be glad you did. 
Self-sabotage Habit  #3: Shitty self-talk
There is just no excuse. There isn’t. You’re going to want to make one, but all your excuses suck.  
If you want to be happy you have to stop talking to yourself like you’re worthless in any way. If you’re not talking to yourself like you’re the most precious being in creation, you’re not as happy as you could be. 
The first step in taking control of your happiness and wellbeing is taking responsibility for your self-talk. There is no way around it.  
If they only thing you ever do is talk to yourself as if you’re already who you think you want to be, your life will ultimately turn out just fine. You can ditch all the other goal-setting and working on yourself business. 
Fuckery Habit Self-sabotage Habit #4: Release your addiction to being liked
There is a beautiful freedom in just assuming no one is going to like you anyway. From there, you don’t have to waste any of your precious calories or energy people-pleasing or trying to fit in. You can show up gloriously unfiltered, as loud or as bold as you want to. You can also not show up at all if that’s your jam. You’d instantly be free to be you.
Freedom will look damn fine on you. 
If you’re not angling to be liked, you can tell your truth, walk away when you’re done, pitch your big ideas and run with them yourself. When you let go of needing to be liked you can climb out of the box you’ve put yourself in and notice all of the other genius creatives that also gave up on being popular and appropriate. They are the ones making insanely beautiful art, changing the world, and figuring out how to rage radical peace in the world. They are probably your crowd – and chances are they’ll like you just fine as you are.
Self-sabotage Habit #5: The illusion of getting there
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. You’re not going to be happier then than you are now.
Getting that promotion isn’t going to make you happier.
Getting married is not going to make you happier.
Losing thirty pounds isn’t going to make you happier.
Winning the Nobel Peace Prize or the lottery isn’t going to make you happier. 
Getting someone, something, or somewhere else in your life might be “better” than the party you’re current hosting for yourself, but it won’t make you happier or more content. Not even a little for more than a few minutes.   
The moment is now. What you’re having right now is what’s happening. This is all there is. If you’re not present and appreciating this getting somewhere else isn’t going to help. 
If this is all there was how would you appreciate it more? It’s an important question because newsflash: THIS IS ALL THERE IS. 

More by:  Lisa

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