Home EngageEditor I’m shouty about this because it’s not about saving fetuses, it’s about controlling women.

I’m shouty about this because it’s not about saving fetuses, it’s about controlling women.

by Confluence
Reading Time: 3 minutes
By:  Dr. Dee Frayne
I bet some of you are wondering if I’ve had an abortion.
“She’s kinda shouty about it lately, she’s 41 and doesn’t have kids…I bet she’s had one!”
Not that it’s any of your fucken business, but no, I have not.
Because of enormous amounts of privilege I have never been pregnant (had a couple scares, but never pregnant).
I was privileged to receive adequate sexual / reproductive health education. Luckily I wasn’t ever subjected to an abstinence only “education” (that’s, BTW, been proven fully ineffective… but even besides that if you even take like .1 second to think about how sexual intercourse is part of our primal survival instinct…).
I was privileged to receive messaging that it’s my body, my choice, and that I was free to not only use contraceptives but also choose the form of birth control that worked best for me.
I was privileged to have access to Planned Parenthood and received free birth control when I was broke and uninsured, and health insurance ever since that’s covered my birth control.
I was privileged to not have a break through pregnancy while on birth control, even though no form is 100% effective…my body responded to each form as expected.
But there should be no shame placed upon a woman who decides to have an abortion – regardless of her actions that led to being pregnant (sidestepping pregnancy resulting from rape/incest here as we don’t place as much blame or judgment on women in these instances, but yet there’s still some disgustingly enough).
Because her actions, her pregnancy, and her decisions are none of your fucking business. Her terminating pregnancy has absolutely ZERO effect on your life. Why do you think you should get a say?!
I don’t think I’d ever have an abortion, even though I REALLY don’t want children…but honestly I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IN THAT SITUATION because I’ve never been in it.
I would have to look deep and hard inside myself to find the answer.
Should I have the child, even though I’ve never wanted to be a mother?
Should I have the child, even though there might be medical complications?
Should I terminate because having a child isn’t in alignment with how I want to live my life?
I can speculate, but I’ll never know IF that day doesn’t come.
And it’s no one else’s business to make that decision for me.
That is a very personal and private decision because it’s MY LIFE and no one else’s.
No one has to live with the consequences of my decision but ME.
I’m the one who would have to carry the ENTIRETY of the mental, emotional, spiritual and obviously physical weight of that decision.
I’m the one who would have to either raise the child or make the decision to place the child up for adoption – another massive weighty decision.
No woman should be forced by anyone else to give up the right to make that decision for herself.
I’m not arrogant enough to think that I know better for anyone other than me.
I’m not arrogant enough to think my belief is more important than another woman’s wisdom about her own damn life.
Seriously think about why you believe you should have the right to FORCE another woman into motherhood.
What do you personally have to gain or lose from controlling another woman’s private and personal medical decision?
I’m shouty about this because I have so much privilege that other women do not.
I’m shouty about this because it’s not about saving fetuses, it’s about controlling women.
I’m shouty about this because it’s fucken bullshit.
And if you love women – their freedom, their rights, their ability to choose for themselves- you should care too.

Confluence Daily is the one place where everything comes together. The one-stop for daily news for women.

Dr. Dee Frayne is a professional changemaker, coach, disruptive leadership strategist, and human performance engineer. She loves nothing more than helping smart, mouthy, ambitious change-makers lead the fight against social inequality and systemic oppression.

If you want to get shouty with Dee, join her on instagram @deefrayne

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