By: Lisa Cavallaro – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
When it comes to confidence, most of us got the memo that said we had to earn it, so we try, and we try, and we try. We earn degree after degree and certification after certification. We make assumptions about other people and what they did to earn their confidence. Then we try what seemed to work for them. All this in the name of finding a reason to feel confident.
Then, there are those among us who are annoyingly self-assured… about things they barely have knowledge or experience with. These are the folks who can walk into a project as a beginner and rather than feeling intimated, they’re convinced they can handle it. What’s even more annoying is they usually end up figuring things out… sometimes like pros.
The temptation is to call these people lucky or gifted . But really all they are is confident . They have a mindset that believes they have what it takes to do what they want to do and get what they want to get.
In my opinion, the “confidence is earned” memo drastically overcomplicates things. Not only does it encourage us to believe confidence is a lot of work, but it’s also built on the false premise that in order to be confident, we need something we don’t currently have.
Uncomplicating this false notion is as simple as recognizing the fact that confidence is a feeling… and we’ll feel confident when we think confident thoughts.
For anyone… especially kids struggling to fit in among peers… learning confidence can be life-altering. We don’t have to deserve it, work for it, be worthy of it or achieve it. Instead, the way we learn it is to be it. Confidence is a state of mind that results from thinking confident thoughts and enjoying confident feelings.
As parents, we can help kids create a confident mindset they’ll benefit from all throughout their lives. Following are six simple suggestions:
1. Consistently show them what feeling confident looks like. Realize your own self-worth, make good self-care your priority and never ever put yourself down.
2. Stop doing things they’re capable of doing for themselves. Instead, offer them challenging opportunities and express your faith in their ability to succeed.
3. Find ways to help them pursue their interests. Whether they’re interested in sports, music, art, dance, health, volunteering or whatever, help them find ways to stay involved.
4. Tell kids their opinions matter and encourage them to give voice to what they believe is important. Help them articulate the words to express their beliefs in ways that are respectful to themselves and others.
5. Remind kids they are enough. They are as smart, popular, good-looking, talented, tall and fill-in-the-blank as they need to be at this time. Point out their favorable qualities they often overlook as they measure themselves up against others. Help them see and feel their own self-worth.
6. Encourage them to think for themselves (even though there are so many opinions and voices out there) and to recognize the connection between their thoughts and their feelings. When they’re feeling down and options are nowhere in sight, offer words that emphasize their power in the situation.
Through watching you model confidence and from experiencing your guidance throughout the above suggestions, your kids will benefit… and not in a small way. They’ll have a good understanding of what confidence looks and feels like and personal experience with how it’s created. Above all, they’ll have first-hand knowledge of how they made their lives better by first creating the mindset to make it happen.
From there it just keeps getting better.
More on parenting by Lisa Cavallaro:
Lisa Cavallaro, The Confidence Coach, is an LOA Coach with a solution-focused spin on bullying. She helps parents leverage Law of Attraction to raise kids who are self-confident and have a positive outlook toward peers, school and life. Lisa is the author of No More Drama and ADHD The Natural Way.
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