Cindie Chavez ©2018
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
Letting go…whether you need to let go of something physical like clutter, or something metaphysical like an idea or a belief or a desire, or something complicated like a relationship, or something unhealthy like a bad habit – there are telltale signs that let you know it’s time. Here are five ways to know it’s time to let go, and a place to start the process so you can move forward.
Your body is sending signals. – This is probably the number one sign that you’re ready to let go of something – and it’s also the one signal that gets louder and louder the longer we ignore it. I remember talking to someone who was telling me about an incident that she had “let go” of – but as she recounted it I noticed she was clenching her teeth. Her words were saying, “Yeah, I’m over it. I decided to just let it go…” but her body language let me know that she was still holding on pretty tightly.
Several years ago I ran into an old friend of mine who looked incredibly healthy and happy. She had that glowingly perky look of someone in love. In our quick grocery store aisle catching up on conversation I found out that she had recently gotten divorced after suffering silently for years in an emotionally abusive marriage. I was shocked to hear this because she had always seemed to be happy with her marriage, but that day standing there in the grocery store looking so vibrant she told me, “One day it dawned on me that every night when I heard his car pull up in the driveway I got a big knot in my stomach.” For years her body had been sending her a red-alert to get out of dodge, and one day she finally heeded the message. The result was a nearly visible halo of self-love and joy surrounding her.
Something to keep in mind – our bodies are super smart, but so often they speak to us in a whisper. If we ignore the whisper our body often starts speaking louder and louder until we’re the ones screaming – in pain. Learning to hear the subtle messages your body sends you could be life-saving.
Your friends and loved ones are telling you. – Not only do our bodies speak to us quite loudly, but often our friends and loved ones do too. This one can be trickier though because sometimes our friends and loved ones can give advice that actually isn’t the best even though it is well-meaning – like that time you wanted to take skydiving lessons but all of your friends said you were crazy because it’s too dangerous. Or when you wanted to run off and join the circus and all the well-meaning advice you got was about how you should appreciate your corporate job because you have good pay and good benefits. The advice we get from loved ones is usually well-intended but sometimes it doesn’t support our deepest desires. After all, skydiving and/or the circus might be a perfect fit for you. Trapezing is a tough job, but someone has to do it. These kinds of decisions might be best made by listening to your body (see No. 1) and/or by hiring a coach or enlisting the help of an expert (like that expert skydiving instructor, or the expert circus career counselor.) However, when pretty much all of your friends and loved ones begin to sound like a well-orchestrated chorus chiming in perfect harmony that you’ve got to quit that bad habit because it’s killing you, or you need to leave that abusive relationship before something terrible happens, it’s probably time to listen to them. Check in with your body, too. Because chances are if that song the choir is singing to you is truth – you already know it, and your body has already been trying to tell you.
You keep forgetting about it. – Often when it’s time to let go you might keep forgetting about that thing you’re ready to let go of, like that group or class that at one time you were so excited to attend every week – and that lately you remember at the last minute and have a forehead slap sort of reaction when you do – “OH NO! It’s already Thursday! I forgot all about the basket weaving class! Not again!” Maybe it’s time to sign up for the advanced class, or start teaching a class yourself, or find a class that feels more exciting, and more attuned to who you are now. We change, things change, and sometimes what was good is no longer good enough.
You keep thinking about it. – Especially if that thing you need to let go of is more metaphysical then physical – like a desire or a belief, obsessive mental chatter and unrelenting thoughts about it might be a signal that it’s time to let go. In the case of a desire, those thoughts might signal desperation – and of course desperation creates resistance, which will hold the thing away from you instead of bringing it closer. Letting go of that particular desire (or at least the neediness that comes from being attached to a specific outcome) will bring it to you faster. (Hint: If your constant thoughts about a desire are bringing you joy, peace, relief and pleasurable feelings then that thing is probably about to drop in your lap, so these thoughts are supporting your desire manifesting. But if your constant thoughts about not having it produce a feeling of lack and desperation, it’s time to let go.)
You’re feeling resentment. – Resentment is a big red flag with the words “YOU ARE GIVING TOO MUCH” written on it. When we over-give, over-care, over-contribute (or undercharge!) for any length of time resentment shows up to let us know it’s time to let go of the status quo. You may not need to completely separate yourself from whatever or whomever it is you’re resenting, but if you’re feeling resentful it is definitely time to let go of “the way things are”. Consider creating stronger boundaries and a different “contract” or agreement. Your resentment is letting you know you are worth more than you’re allowing yourself to have in this situation.
Now that you know the signs and you’re ready to let go, here’s where to start – first and foremost: Acceptance.
Acceptance of “what is” – instead of dwelling on what isn’t.
Let yourself accept “what is” right now, in this moment. It is what it is. So, instead of beating yourself up because you’re in whatever situation you’re in, take a deep breath and know that there are no mistakes, there is only human experience. And although I don’t believe that “everything has a reason”, I do believe that everything can have a purpose. We can give our experiences purpose by taking the time to contemplate the lessons we have had the opportunity to learn and letting where we are, inform us of where we want to be.
Accept what has been, accept what is, and accept that you’re ready to let go and move on.
Now, maybe you’re first reaction is to say, “But I have been accepting it! I’ve been accepting it for way too long!”
If this is the case I’d like to make a distinction between acceptance and tolerating. Tolerating something may show up as a begrudging type of endurance. “I’m dealing with it pretty well” is not the same as acceptance.
When you are tolerating something you are always giving away your personal power. And personal power is exactly what you’re going to need to move forward with confidence.
When you accept “what is”, right now, you are standing in your own power, and in this moment you can confidently make the choice to let go and move forward.
True personal power is not connected to anything you have. Your true power does not depend on whether you are married, or wealthy, or vibrantly healthy, a great business success, the owner of that thing you want, or a member of a certain group. True power comes from within you, it is not external, and it is not attached to anything external.
This place of being ready to let go and move forward is your opportunity to stand in your own personal power and begin to recognize that you can thrive regardless of what has or hasn’t manifested in your experience yet.
Your personal power is generative, it is the power you use to create your reality, and this amazing creative power resides within you. It’s the thing that attracts everything you want into your experience.
If you’re experiencing any of the signs that it’s time to let go, you can rest assured that if you want something better, something bigger, something new, something different – you can have it. It is waiting for you. That thing you’re looking for is looking for you as well.
Are you ready for a big shift? Take a deep breath. Every big shift comes after a big letting go.
More by Cindie:
Cindie Chavez is known as “The Love & Magic Coach”. She is the creator of MOONLIGHT™ – A Course in Manifesting Love and she has some great free stuff for you at her website: www.cindiechavez.com
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