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How Cool of a White Person Are You?

How Cool of a White Person Are You?

By: Lennee Reid – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.

Ok y’all. Lotsa racial shit happening causing divides. Let’s run with it! Maybe it will help to classify all you wypipo so you know how cool or fucked up you actually are in the eyes of a POC. We need all you cool white folks over here with us in the resistance on the winning side of the revolution. So let’s determine…..
How Cool of a White Person Are You?”

10. Fam.

Although apparently white, Fam has children with a POC or has brought a case of Old E to every BBQ since 1992. Fam gets invited to pow wows and quinceaneras. Fam may have spent 90 days at Standing Rock, or did time for selling weed or not snitching. Fam stands up for POC even in all white spaces. Fam would never call the cops, even if you killed someone, because they or a friend have lost a family member to police brutality… I mean unless you’re eating people or some wacked out shit… because Fam is beyond cool, they Fam. Fam never sees nothing.

9. Yo that’s my boy he cool AF.

You’ve known ya boy since Jr high and have never heard them use a racial slur. Ya boy may be closer to you than other POC friends you have. Ya boy owned a lowrider and only plays rap music, R&B, jazz, and Motown oldies. Ya boy was a DJ and gets harassed by the cops, even when he’s doing nothing wrong, cause he kinda looks like a Cholo. Ya boy has an ACAB hat and is active in Anti-Fa circles. Ya boy is cool AF.

8. Cool. 

This is where many white folks fall. You have been to a few marches about social justice issues because you are genuinely outraged about the issues that are terrorizing your six POC friends. You benefit from systems of oppression but are actively trying to dismantle them. Voted for Obama. Doesn’t listen to country music and loves Beyonce just as much as Adele does. Carries hot sauce in their bag even though it’s too spicy because they must be in formation. Has no Nazi friends and doesn’t speak to their Nazi family. Actually moved to a cooler area because they belong there. Has Black Lives Matter, Water is Life, RESIST and PRIDE T-shirts that they wear like badges of honor. Owns a Prius because it’s the most efficient way to save the planet, carpool to work, and look cool at protests. Berniecrats. Very cool people.

7. Aight. 

Punk rockers, juggaloes, hippies, yoga gurus, Buddhists, Quakers, Redneck Revolt members, Unitarians, vegans, inclusive pagans, basically anyone you are sure “gets it”, won’t hang anyone or burn a cross on anyone’s yard, and won’t call the cops for some fragile bitch ass weak reason like being black in a Starbucks. Has at least 1 cool pro-resistance T-shirt or buys them for their kids. Green Party. You know, they aight, cool enough.

6 They ain’t that cool but they aight “I GUESS”

Loves their privilege and uses their privilege occasionally to help the less fortunate while talking about using their privilege. Has three POC friends that are basically bourgeois white folks. Possibly named Becky or Chad. Smokes weed now that it’s legal. Helps organize pride and has 10 LGBTQIA friends. Runs for office. Shockingly punched a drunk Nazi at a bar once that got belligerent and asked for it. The cops of course let them go with a warning. Drove away in a Prius. May call the cops on fucked up people, but not for BBQing, music, or existing while black. Voted for Hillary. Thinks they are an 8. They’re totally not. A little cool and not fucked up in any major life-threatening way.

5. Don’t know the MF. 

Could be cool or could be a government plant to get info to undermine the resistance. Don’t smoke weed around them or tell them who broke a window at the Mayday protest because they could snitch. We need more information so check their bumper stickers, ask them their favorite song and who they voted for to determine if they are cool or fucked up. Even if they cool, they not automatically ya boy or nothing. Could end up being fucked up.

4. Not cool but acting chill rn

These people don’t even understand systems of oppression and love having a secure stable job with the same rights everyone has. Believes in the American dream and bootstraps. In denial about race or climate but not belligerent just stupid. Will call the cops to complain about noise because they are oblivious. Tips cows for fun. Has a confederate flag on something somewhere, probably a gift. Talks about their Republican friends and family as if they aren’t Nazis. Good cops. Libertarians. A little fucked up with a 50% chance of becoming woke under the right conditions. All lives matter. Will call the cops so don’t trust them, they are a little fucked up.

3. Red neck not yet classified.

As rednecks are currently 60/40 racist/cool, proceed with caution and have an unblocked exit available at all times. They may have a confederate flag in the backyard or living room but not on their big new white 4×4 with dual American flags. Loves beer and bacon. Doesn’t know what organic or sustainable means. Puts raisins in their potato salad. Definitely has Nazi family members they talk to and a cop in the family. Has likely used a racial slur around wypipo. Don’t initiate eye contact, if they do just nod and walk away. If they’re not fucked up they definitely have associates that are.

2. Punk ass skinhead.

Easy to identify as they are getting their asses kicked by the Anti-Fa. Has a crappy gas guzzling lifted 4×4 black Ford Chevy or Dodge with various swastika stickers and large frayed confederate flags. Likes to hang out at AM/PM so they can have a nice dinner while they fill up the truck. Goes to McDonald’s for dessert. If they were eligible to vote they’d be Republican but since burning churches is a felony they can’t. Claims to love America but only says ‘Murica and can’t name the founding fathers and doesn’t know what the bill of rights is because they are so fucked up.

1. Cop sympathizers

Have a nice day officer shoots shoplifters in the back. Blue lives matter. Something about black on black crime. Marijuana is a dangerous drug. Says GMOs will end world hunger. Flat-earthers and creationists. Has lots of Wal-Mart, Shell and Halliburton stocks. Very fucked up.

0. Alt-Right Nazis.

Tiki torchbearers, lynching organizers and cross burners, fascists and KKK members, ICE and backwoods rural county sheriffs dept., good ole boys. Insecure patriarchal colonialist white power enthusiasts that want to Make America Great Again. You know who they voted for, 45, a wall, deportations and more cops. The most destructive angry ignorant fucked up group of all. Fuck those mfs they ain’t cool they fucked up.

Bonus points! You get 0.1 extra cool points for knowing these definitions!

POC – person of color

LGBTQIA- lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, intersexed, asexual

Wypipo – white people

Af – as f@ck

Rn – right now

MF – mother f*cker

Cholo – Someone people think is a Mexican gangster but is likely a mechanic or blue collar worker who likes dickies and lowriders

 

 

Lennée Reid is a poet, activist, and mystic who doesn’t like labels. She is trying to make sense of it all and find peace. Lennée organizes Olympia Witches March for Unity in Solidarity. She speaks about all kinds of important issues including race, feminism, being a survivor and the environment.

Her work has been exhibited in the Bus Stop Project, WA Dept. of Commerce, Spaceworks Tacoma, and the University of Puget Sound. Lennée is published in; Farm to Table, The UPS Dirt! Project, Creative Colloquy, The Bus Stop Project, Tattoosday, Lost Tower, Panegyria, Works In Progress, Spectrum Women, Strangefoot, plus her chapbooks “Qi Woo Mojo Juju” and “Universal State of Mind”, both by The Girl God.

Lennée has performed for diverse crowds across America at places like: The Indigenous Climate Justice Symposium, Women’s March, Seattle Center for Spiritual Living, Columbia Theatre, The Duwamish Long House, The Round- Portland Abbey Arts, and various poetry slams, protests, marches, and vigils. She is Olympias 2018 Poetry Grand Slam Champion and was The Olympia Peoples Mic first WOWPS representative, opened for Pussy Riot, was heard on Paradigms, Tell It Slant, and Wheel of Wonder. Her spoken word album “The Second Coming of Matriarchy” is available at lenneereid.bandcamp.com Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @lenneereid and her blog.

 

 

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