By: Jenna Vincent. Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
As with all independently contributed articles, the opinions in this piece are those of the author.
Marriage doesn’t have to be be the place where desire goes to die.
Married women, withholding and controlling sex is hurting you, not just him.
It’s denying yourself of his medicine.
If you are single or not yet married you might not be yet in this place.
There is some weird shift that happened when we get “married” that suddenly that guy who we couldn’t keep our hands off of, now well… you’ll find every excuse in the book to say no to.
And we had great sex! But I turned into some Modest Molly and frigid Fran when I became a mother and it almost killed me.
IT REALLY SUCKS.
I’m not sure why, but I know I’m NOT the only women who turned off in marriage and as a mother, and I was determined have the marriage that I wanted, not my parent’s marriage, not the marriage that is sarcastically mentioned that never has sex. A good, HOT, sexy marriage.
The first thing I did to change myself and my marriage, was say YES.
I gave up ALL control around sex. ( well most control in general as well) Whenever my guy wanted sex, ( which is OFTEN haha) I said yes, instead of my usual control of ‘oh not now, later, the kids, the baby’… and I shut the fuck up and sank into the offer. No matter what.
This was my rule for MYSELF in a CONSENSUAL relationship. Not saying this is what you should do, and I’m not saying consent should go out the window or personal boundaries, I’m just sharing what I did.
Here’s the thing.. I used to feel like a “hole” ( a terrible thing to think about myself, right? I know🥺) Like the hole he could use to f*ck whenever he wanted because I was his wife. 😳😳
So I withheld, and used control as a way to feel more powerful….. right?
More like trying to take his power because I felt powerless.
When I finally sat with my unhappiness in my relationship, this was one thing I was unhappy with, was how I responded with anger and control when he lusted me…. SO I set out to change it, no matter what.
When I actually ASKED him what he thought, when I asked him what it was like for him, I was mind blown.
He wasn’t trying to TAKE sex from me. It wasn’t for HIM alone. It was FOR ME. He was trying to GIVE to me.
He cared about my pleasure. HE wants me to have a million orgasms. My pleasure amplifies his pleasure. 🤯🤯
( take note ladies, men see their c*ck as a gift, as good for YOU, and he is absolutely correct)
I began to see him as my medicine. And he can see when I need medicine, which is usually precisely when I think I’m too busy, too stressed to stop and have sex. He knows what I need, and when I relax into that, it takes that stress away.
And his d*ck engorging with blood was LOVE for ME, NOT JUST sex. Sure. He loves sex. But His d*ck is attached to his heart, and it responds with LOVE for me.( his words, not mine) It’s not trying to take from me. But to GIVE to me, and I had not been receiving HIM. I felt like the biggest bitch on the planet.
I realized every time I tried to control it, I was rejecting his love, him, and I rejected medicine( pleasure) for myself. I was refusing to receive.
SO I decided to say yes, no matter what.
And my life changed, and his life changed, and our marriage, well our marriage turned around.
I went from numb and kind of shut down to totally orgasmic.
But it came from my surrender. I had to learn and allow him to WORSHIP me.
He was constantly trying to worship me. But I was not receiving it.
I had to deal with my shame around sex as a “mother” and any pleasure in general. I surrendered control and found my power.
I had to work through layers and layers of hatred and resentment towards the masculine that I had been carrying. I had to let go of the stories that men were assholes, that they only want sex, that they don’t care about me or my pleasure, that they don’t care about me or what I need, etc, etc.
So my advice to you if you are married and stuck in this loop is this.
Can you soften to his love? Can you choose to begin to see him and yourself in a new way? Can you see where you are not receiving him?
Can you lose control and see what happens? �
Marriage doesn’t have to be a place where good sex goes to die. In fact, it should be the place where sex goes to get so hot, no matter how long it’s been.
If you are bored, look deeper.
Jenna Vincent is a Sex, Feminine Wealth, and Relationship expert, guiding women that want to be fully in their Feminine Energy, in love and life. She specializes in creating breakthroughs by bringing her client’s deepest, darkest desires into the light to be embodied and embraced. She guides the healing of the masculine wounds that block them from receiving worship and pleasure, which leads to harmony in their intimate relationships with men and money.