A Guide to Busting the Top 5 Bullshit “Spiritual” Myths About Relationships
By: Lisa M. Hayes – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
1. I can get anyone I want because the law of attraction says I can have anything I want.
I am not going to say the vibration and intention you bring to a relationship doesn’t have an impact on the other person and the relationship because of course, it does. Toddlers literally know that. You don’t need a spiritual guru to teach you what a three-year-old knows.
However, your mojo can’t make someone love you that doesn’t. That is not the way the system is set up. The system is set up to run on a free will.
Besides, for real, do you really want to black magic your way into the heart of someone you doesn’t want you?
No, my friend, you do not. That’s like using witchcraft to be a stalker.
No one wants to be that person.
No one wants to be around that person.
Law of attraction teaches you can have ANYTHING you want. Not anyone.
If you want a passionate, connected, vibrant, forever relationship, you can have that. However, you can’t force someone into that role just because you’ve got the hots for them.
Focus on the outcome not the details – and yes, the who you will be madly in love with is a detail. If you treat it that way, that who will also be madly in love with you.
2. I created this. So, it’s not his/her fault.
You cannot be more wrong about that one.
If someone is abusing you or cheating on you or being hurtful to you, it is, in fact, their fault. It might be your fault for putting up with it. However, that’s a whole other conversation.
You don’t create someone else’s behavior. You’re not responsible for it.
You may, in fact, be vibrationally aligned with attracting it though. While those two things might sound the same, they are very different.
You are responsible for your vibration and one of the leading indicators of your vibration is what you will tolerate.
The other person is responsible for what they bring to the table.
You upgrading your vibration might have an impact on someone else’s behavior, it might not. However, camping out in a boiling pot of water because you think you turned the stove on is stupid.
Taking responsibility for someone else’s stuff by thinking you made them do it with your magical vibration might just be an excuse not to change you and get up and go.
3. I am not a victim.
Well, my friend, you might be.
If you were abused – you are a victim.
If you were assaulted – you are a victim.
If someone hurt you intentionally or knowingly – you are a victim.
And you being a victim says NOTHING about you and EVERYTHING about the perpetrator.
A lot of people like to skip past their healing be proclaiming to the Universe and everyone in it that they aren’t a victim – as if being one innately makes you damaged goods. It doesn’t.
Being a victim doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It means you crossed paths with someone who treated you in a way they shouldn’t have. Again, if you’re sticking around to be repeatedly victimized, you’ve got some skin in that game when it comes to responsibility. However, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re being abused.
There is such a thing as the empowered victim – some might call that person a survivor. Being a victim very often makes people much smarter and stronger than they were before. Victimization teaches some pretty powerful life lessons. It also makes people softer and more compassionate.
So, no, it’s not a sexy word. It’s not culturally embraced. But proclaiming your non-victim status won’t heal you if you don’t do the work.
Your victimization labels the perpetrator – not you.
4. This might be my stuff, so I’m going to take responsibility for it by ignoring it.
Yes, yes, yes, you have baggage.
Yes, it impacts how you see things and operate in relationships.
And yes, that is a very good thing.
What if all those things you experienced taught you lessons can help you navigate to the best relationship for you – if you don’t ignore them.
Maybe your Ex-husband was a rager. He yelled and screamed at you on the regular. So, you might be hyper-sensitive to that kind of communication. Maybe you don’t ever want to be yelled at again. Maybe it makes you want to crawl under the bed and hide when someone screams at you.
And maybe you’re not over-sensitive. Maybe, just maybe that “baggage” is leading you to the right partner for you.
Maybe your previous partner cheated. So, you’re hyper-vigilant about open communication. And maybe that’s not a bad thing.
We are all unique and the baggage we carry from experience to experience is filled with lessons that help us know what works and what doesn’t individually. So, if you’re triggered, take responsibility for examining your behavior when you’re triggered. It’s not an excuse to over-react. However, your triggers are more of a map than a handicap.
5. Love is always the answer.
Oh, hell yes it is. However, if you’re not loving yourself first and you are using love as an excuse to put up with shit that hurts you, that isn’t loving, that’s laziness.
LOVE IS THE STRONGEST FORCE IN THE UNIVERSE.
I’m not sure who started peddling the bullshit that taught us love is supposed to be passive. Whoever that was might have been a narcissistic abuser.
Love is always the answer. However, if you don’t love yourself enough to take yourself down off the cross and say no when you need to, you aren’t going to be capable of loving or anything else.
Yes, love sacrifices.
However, sometimes love walks away and walking away doesn’t have to diminish the love.
Staying in the line of fire isn’t love. It’s self-punishing.
Staying silent when you should speak up is voluntarily erasing yourself to keep the peace.
Putting an extra-loving smiley face on someone else’s dysfunction is being co-dependent.
Co-dependancy is not sexy and neither is being a pushover.
Sometimes, often times, love says NO.
More by Lisa:
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
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