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Anti-Bullying is Anti-Effective

by Confluence
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By: Lisa Cavallaro – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.

Time to Turn This Bully Bus Around.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about something a very wise woman once shared with me. Trying to convince me to use a different approach to selling my home, she advised, “if you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.”

This lady’s words had a catchy ring to them. They reminded me of another cute saying we’ve all heard— “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

But come on. What about persistence and trying harder? Just because something doesn’t work out the way we want it to, we don’t just give up. Only wimps give up. We just need to try harder, right?

Harder… no.

Smarter… yes.

Putting an end to bullying is something we’ve been working on for decades. Most schools offer programs teaching kids how to be kind, respectful and inclusive; and parents are talking up these very topics at home too.

Still, our kids are surrounded by bully behavior on a daily basis.

If we adults really want to help our kids deal with bullying, then we need a better plan—one that works.

Our current approach focuses on two of the three main bullying variables—bullies and behavior.

Wouldn’t a more effective approach focus on the third bullying variable? The targets?

When we put our attention on the targets and potential targets of bullying, we teach kids skills. We focus on their power and demonstrate how to strengthen their self-confidence. We offer them hope. We express faith in their abilities. We help them focus on what’s RIGHT about them.

Kids are waiting for us to turn this bully bus around. They’re waiting for our leadership. 

They need us to reinforce something that deep down they already know. They know they’re much more than what someone else says they are. They know they have unlimited value inside them.

But that knowledge is buried deeper and deeper each time we adults attempt to get the bullies to stop. Each word we speak or action we take in an effort to change a bully’s behavior lets kids know the bully is in charge.

The true power is, in fact, with the person who is able to live their life without concern for what others do. A bully can’t be in charge because he’s only powerful when he has someone to control.

A child who recognizes his or her own beauty and worth refuses to be controlled. With this child is where true power lies.

The definition of insanity is teaching kids to be kind, respectful and inclusive of one another… without giving them survival tools for times when others aren’t.


More by Lisa:

A Blessing in the Kavanaugh Turmoil: Let’s Talk to Our Kids




Lisa Cavallaro, The Confidence Coach, is an LOA Coach with a solution-focused spin on bullying. She helps parents leverage Law of Attraction to raise kids who are self-confident and have a positive outlook toward peers, school and life. Lisa is the author of No More Drama and ADHD The Natural Way.



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