“I just want to feel safe.”
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Cindie Chavez – ©2019
This week I’ve been reminded on several occasions that “feeling safe” is extremely important to women.
As a relationship coach, I usually hear this from women regarding their intimate relationships – and I also know it is a concern in general. When asking women what they want in their intimate relationships and marriages feeling safe is usually in the top three things that get mentioned. Women want to feel safe – emotionally, physically, sexually.
As a woman who has experienced an abusive relationship, I relate to this desire completely. It was my main concern when navigating new relationships after my divorce from an abusive spouse. And one of the things I recognized in my relationship with the man who is now my husband is that I felt safe with him from the start.
In times when I feel vulnerable emotionally, I feel safe enough to communicate what I am feeling, and my husband is conscious and perceptive enough to reassure me and support me in creating a greater sense of safety.
“I just want to feel safe.” When I hear a woman say those words, I’m immediately transported to a particular memory that has served me well in being able to support women who are wanting to increase their sense of safety.
A year or so after I met my husband, we were riding our bicycles around the lake near our local university. Many joggers, runners, and cyclists frequent this beautiful campus and many of them are young women.
As I rode my bike, I was considering the coaching sessions I had been having that week and recognizing a common thread running through many of these conversations – the desire for safety. At the same moment that I was pondering this I noticed a beautiful college-age woman riding her bicycle around the lakes…without a helmet, her beautiful long hair flowing in the wind.
My thoughts then turned to the people I see texting and talking on cell phones while driving. Once I even saw someone working on a laptop while driving their car. And more than once I’ve seen someone talking on a cell phone while riding a bike – holding the phone in one hand, with no hands on the bike. Unsafe activities that, unfortunately, people engage in all too frequently.
These two trains of thought collided and merged into another thought:
People often live out an identity that is not in alignment with their spoken desire.
How can I expect to feel safe (in relationship or otherwise) if I am consistently putting out a message to the Universe that safety isn’t really one of my primary concerns?
What is it you want? And how can you begin giving it to yourself?
If your desire is not showing up, these are the questions to ask yourself, because your experience is always going to match your vibration.
When what we say we want isn’t showing up, the clue is often visible in our actions. In these situations, it may very well be true that actions are speaking louder than words, at least vibrationally.
The world around us is a mirror that reflects exactly what is going on inside of us. As the hermetic principle says, “As within, so without.”
The Universe can only give us what we’re willing to give ourselves.
What is it you want? And how can you begin giving it to yourself in a greater measure?
More by Cindie:
Cindie Chavez is known as “The Love & Magic Coach”. She is the creator of MOONTREAT™ – and she has some great free stuff for you at her website: www.cindiechavez.com
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