By: Lisa M. Hayes – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
Crystal couldn’t believe her luck. She was offered her dream job in a city she loved. She wasn’t even looking. She got the offer out of nowhere and took it on the spot. A former college friend recommended her, and after a brief phone call, she accepted the position for almost three times what she was making at her current job.
Crystal made a quick trip to San Deigo to sign her contract in person. She drove by the cutest little cottage right across the street from the beach when she got lost going to dinner on her first night there. She stopped to write down the number on the “For Rent” sign out front, thinking she could never actually afford it, when the owner stepped outside and saw her.
Although the going rate for houses in that area was around $3000 a month, Crystal signed a lease for $1700 on the spot. The owner liked her, a lot. He offered to show her around the city after she moved in. He was super cute and lived in another house he owned just a few blocks away.
Three years prior Crystal had been in a severe car accident. A lawsuit had been pending for a very long time. Although she’d healed and was completely back on her feet, this suit had been hanging over her head for a long time.
When she returned to Chicago to get ready for the move there was a check in the mail, for a lot of money, and when I saw a lot, I mean life changing dollars. That kind of financial cushion made moving and starting a new life even more exciting.
However, Crystal wondered if she would be lonely living in a new city thousands of miles from everyone she knew. She didn’t think about it for long, though. Three days before Crystal was to leave for the West Coast, her sister who’d been living abroad emailed her with the news. She was moving back to the states and had gotten a job, you guessed it, in San Diego. They hadn’t planned it that way. It just happened. Both of them were thrilled.
Crystal was beginning to believe someone had sprinkled fairy dust all over her life. All of this was especially surprising considering eight weeks earlier Crystal’s life was circling the toilet bowl, or so she thought.
Crystal thought Keith was the love of her life. They’d been dating for three years although for all practical purposes they were married. They shared a home, friends, family, and pretty much every aspect of life.
As with most relationships, it started out like a fairytale. He was her Prince Charming until about a year in he started drinking. As the drinking got worse, her fairytale turned into a nightmare.
However, she decided she would stand by her man and do what it took to help him get healthy. It was hard. He was very verbally and emotionally abusive when he drank. But Crystal was committed. She wanted to grow old with Keith.
It turns out; Crystal was a lot more committed than he was. After everything he put her through, one day he came home and told her he was having an affair and wanted to end their relationship. That very night he packed his things and moved in with her “best friend”.
Just like that, everything fell apart. Actually, it had been falling apart for more than a year, but to Crystal, it felt like everything came crashing down all at once. She lost her boyfriend and her best friend all at once.
Three days after the breakup, after a double shift at the hospital where she worked, Crystal was finally home and exhausted. She was too tired to sleep. All she wanted to do was watch Netflix and chill. Then it happened. On a cold and snowy Friday afternoon at 4:45 everything went dark.
Keith turned off every utility that was in his name, which was all of them. No heat, no lights, no phone. By the time she figured out what had transpired all the utility companies were closed for the weekend.
Crystal almost lost her job the next day when she failed to respond to an emergency call from work. She was put on immediate probation. Her supervisor was her former “best friend”. It was an awkward conversation.
By Sunday evening it was 41 degrees in her house. As she sat in the dark pouring over her bills by flashlight, she quickly realized she could no longer afford to live there alone.
Two hours later, Crystal found herself in the emergency room at the hospital where she worked, as a patient. She thought she had a heart attack. She was actually dehydrated, hypothermic, and suffering from extreme anxiety.
Crystal laughed when she told the story of getting hypothermia while sitting inside her own townhouse, but none of it was really funny.
So, how did Crystal go from what looked like rock bottom to being charmed in almost every way in such a short time?
It happens more often than you’d think. That kind of bounce back is not uncommon.
Keith had been taking a toll on Crystal for months. She was walking on eggshells every day. She felt completely uncertain and him, their relationship and her sanity. Slowly but surely Crystals dominant vibration was taking a crap.
Where she’d once been a happy high energy fireball, by the end of their relationship she was exhausted, depressed, and anxiety-ridden, even before the breakup.
We can’t actually compartmentalize. Life doesn’t work that way. Keith was having a massive impact on Crystal’s dominant vibration. It wasn’t just affecting her relationship. It was affecting everything. When he left her energy started to normalize. Crystal was devasted by the circumstances, but she felt relief knowing it was over. That relief started things in motion.
Crystal was also very aware she couldn’t afford to let that energy run on her. She knew she needed to manage it. So she doubled down on energy hygiene and did everything she could from a vibration standpoint to get herself back on track. Without Keith’s influence, it was easier than she’d imagined.
I see this happen a lot with things like breakups and job losses. Sometimes what you’re holding onto is holding you down.
Here are three things you can do to make the worst pile of steaming shit ever “magically” shift into the best thing that ever happened.
1. Double or triple your self-care
Most people don’t do enough self-care on regular days. However, when the shit hits the fan in most cases, even basic self-care is the first thing to go when you need it the most.
When you are highly stressed your body has a tendency to go into an energy reserve mode. You feel more tired and more sluggish than you should. Things start to feel very foggy. What you want to do is nothing.
Self-care creates energy, the kind of energy you need to be clear minded and make smart decisions. Self-care also improves your self-esteem. No matter what’s creating the crisis, feeling good about yourself will help a lot.
When a shit storm strikes if the only thing you do is devote yourself to self-care you are well on your way to digging yourself out of whatever hole you’ve found yourself in.
2. Manage your thoughts like an impatient dictator.
Almost everyone feels like their thoughts are beyond their control like they are happening to you rather than being generated by you.
It takes a lot of practice, but you can get mastery over what you’re thinking. Learning to do it when you’re life isn’t on fire is preferable. However, if you’re in crisis, there is no time like the present to get really super picky about what kind of thoughts you’re willing to entertain.
The first step is to decide what thoughts you will not tolerate. You probably want to start by eliminating any thoughts that are absolute in a negative sense. Watch out for words like always, never, forever, no one, and everyone.
If a negative thought comes up, notice it and stop it. Do not carry on a mental conversation with any thought that sucks.
Secondly, pick some thoughts you’d like to be thinking. You know, the kind of thoughts that seem like total crap when your life is a mess. Practice them like you’d practice anything else you want to master. Repetition is the key to mastery. Find a thought you want to own and practice thinking it, like 1000 times a day.
That might seem extreme, but if you find yourself in a downward spiral, it’s not.
3. Decide everything is working out perfectly for you and then act accordingly.
It really is as simple as that. Decide.
Once you decide everything is working out perfectly, perfect solutions and opportunities are going to start emerging in the chaos. They have to.
Look for as many opportunities as you can to say yes to anything unexpected. Be prepared to take action, make changes, and do things you didn’t see yourself doing.
The Universe often delivers the biggest blessings disguised in things that feel like failure, loss or betrayal. If you’re up against anything of this stuff chances are high you’re in the beginning stages of a miracle. You can activate that miracle by deciding it’s happening.
*This story was shared with permission and names have been changed.
More by Lisa:
Lisa is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.