By: Tracy Mcneme Carrothers – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know
There’s talk in the internet world lately about this “messy is beautiful” branding. I think we need to define that as “Instagram messy.” Social media is part of culture and we are culture creators so it is easy for this to all get infused into our brains and all of a sudden we are buying into some weird messaging that doesn’t really reflect our real lives.
Just go search the hashtag messyisbeautiful and you will see a grid of “messy” pics. Messy like dinner dishes in the sink or an art project spread out all over the table or a “messy” bun on top of a woman’s head.
I mean…that may be messy in the ‘gram’s book but…I don’t know.
Real life for people right now is not bun on the head messy. It feels like life or death, WTF, dear Jesus help me messy.
And to be honest that isn’t unique to this pandemic. It has definitely turned up the intensity but on any given day most of us are dealing with some real ass shit that threatens to tear down our souls. And we fight it and show up another day.
I’ve been known to leave dinner dishes in the sink too long because of deep depression. I may or may not have gone on off on and off anti-anxiety meds multiple times in the past 5 years. .
I may have a brain that lets loose so spontaneously that I paint in places that aren’t for painting and stain the floor in a not so “cute messy” way.
And I know that trauma flares up for people especially during these extra stressful times and all of a sudden they feel like 8-year-olds scared and uncertain who is in charge around this place.
And I know that I have two dogs that fight and I feel like I am freaking failing and my whole family has probably suffered because I take on a lot. Often. And I also know this is such a minuscule problem in the grand scheme. The bigger story is a deeper issue here about what these dogs are teaching me but that’s not for the Facebook. Yet.
And I know that there are estranged families and loved ones miles apart in more than distance and that is felt on a deep soul-crushing level. I know that it feels like it can’t be repaired.
And I know that sometimes I look at my kids and wonder if they will be prepared for anything in the future. And I wonder if I have warped them with the overabundance of Netflix and video games because honestly sometimes I just can’t deal with regulating that.
And I know that a lot of us are freaking lonely at times because work or other issues have our spouse gone. And there doesn’t seem to be any answer to that.
At any moment someone in my world is dealing with a new diagnosis, new lesions, a negative bank balance, bankruptcy by medical debt, depressive episodes that just won’t relent, an addict they love so deeply and they fear will be gone soon, a crisis of faith, deep loneliness, an eating disorder, losing a parent, the possibility of losing a child. And the list could go on and on.
Most humans want and need to be seen. To be known. They want to be known and then loved exactly as they are. But do we create spaces where it is safe to really be known? I think we can. We can etch out places and relationships and communities where it is expected that you be real.
Yes, there is beauty all around. Always. Every day there is joy. But sometimes the mess in our lives is not beautiful. It is just a shitty thing that may never ever be resolved.
Tracy Carrothers is an expat, certified life coach, and attorney living in Taipei, Taiwan. In 2008 she left her career as an attorney and moved with her family to Japan. For over a decade she has surfed the waves of multiple moves, life abroad, and all that it entails. She is a mom to two energetic boys and Sadie the rescue dog. Tracy is a continuous student of personal development and living well. A recent battle with breast cancer proved to be a master class on gratitude, confidence, anxiety, and the reality that nothing is promised (so get on with living). She coaches women to own the ability they have to live soul-centered, powerful lives. Give her a karaoke mic and she will never put it down. On an average day you will find her working out in her garage, hiking the gorgeous mountains of Taiwan, or yelling at Twitter.
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