lisa m hayes – Page 7 – Confluence Daily

September 11, 2018 Confluence

Forgive or Get Out

Reading Time: 3 minutes Some things are unforgivable when you’re in it. Sometimes you have to get some time and space between yourself and the pain to get there. I lived in a marriage where my husband cheated. If it had been once, I might have gotten past that. However, it wasn’t one. For a very long time, I had neither courage to forgive or get out. I tried to forgive it. I tried everything. But it wasn’t until years after our divorce that I honestly did. While we were still together I hated him and myself. By the time it was over I had a lot of forgiving myself to do also.

Informed

September 6, 2018 Confluence

25th Amendment: The Political Apocalypse

Reading Time: 4 minutes Both the 25th amendment and impeachment have deeply painful ramifications for our nation. Our republican led congress seems to lack the will to take on the duty of protecting our nation from a madman. This is why the midterms are so critical. However, the NYT op-ed gives me both hope and a shudder of terror at the prospect that impeachment is not our only way out. “Adults in the room” are doing what they have to do. If it turns out the executing the 25th is what must be done, Trump may be gone but chances are high no one will like it when the dust settles.

Relate

September 5, 2018 Confluence

4 Do It Today Ways to Upgrade Your Deliberate Creation Practice

Reading Time: 3 minutes Trying to be some version of someone else will water down your magic. Trying to emulate someone else’s success will keep your own dreams at arm’s length. You are made of mystery under your own constellation of stardust. Every single thing about you is unique. Morphing yourself into a lesser version of you to fit in someone else’s box is disconnects you from miracles that should be your second nature.

Worship the things that make you different. Feed your wildest dreams. Create some righteous chaos. Do it on your terms.

Relate

August 29, 2018 Confluence

5 Habits of Unhappy Couples and How to Avoid Them

Reading Time: 4 minutes Show me a couple where thank yous don’t flow liberally between them and I’ll show you a couple that has a lot of resentments lurking just under the surface.

Politeness and appreciation are the two things that make the day to day business of sharing a bathroom sink and a closet with someone doable.

Appreciation tends to flow very easily at the beginning of a relationship. However, as the newness starts to wear off, appreciation can drift to other things. The problem is, you get what you focus on. When you quit focusing on appreciation you find fewer and fewer things to appreciate.

Relate

August 28, 2018 Confluence

How to Stay Married

Reading Time: 3 minutes If you are committed to staying married, and you are less happy than you want to be, that’s not normal and it’s not ok. The good news is it’s probably mendable because you can learn the skills it takes to be in a relationship. Sooner is better than later, because sometimes later is too late. Waiting too long might not mean divorce. There is a fate far, far worse than divorce. Waiting too long may mean spending the rest of your life in a soulless, loveless, lifeless marriage, and that is a recipe for slow, early death.

Engage Informed

August 27, 2018 Confluence

Please Share: Emergency Preparedness for Voting

Reading Time: 3 minutes Check Your Status, Make Your Plan, Help Your Neighbors
It’s not that far away. The 2018 midterms are rapidly approaching. I’m not going to spend too much time pontificating about the urgency and importance of these mid-term elections other than to say the fate of our democracy undoubtedly depends on it. We can’t sit this one out because it’s inconvenient – and depending on who you are or where you live it might be very inconvenient.

Relate

August 27, 2018 Confluence

What Management Gurus Know About Relationships

Reading Time: 3 minutes We know this stuff. I’m stating the obvious. Focus on what you want more of and you’ll get it. Focus on what you don’t want and you’ll get that too. The key in relationships is to be willing. Are you willing to let go of resentment and irritation to get more of what you want? The easy answer is yes, but in practice, it’s a little more difficult for many people. You think you’ve earned your resentments. You deserve them. People wear resentments like bad relationship merit badges, they collect them.

Evolve Relate

August 21, 2018 Confluence

20 low to no cost, easy to implement, no excuses, ways to up-level your self-love game right now

Reading Time: 3 minutes I was talking to a woman this morning about self-love who was legitimately confused about what that actually meant. So, I gave her my standard pep-talk about how love is a verb. When you’re not feeling it sometimes you have to DO it. Treating yourself like someone you love IS self-love.

It was a great talk. I was impressed by it. However, she still gave me a completely blank stare when I was finished.

When you’re paddling against the current just to keep your head above water, self-love or even self-care can feel like training for a marathon you’ll never run.

Relate

August 17, 2018 Confluence

Can Our Relationship Survive an Affair?

Reading Time: 2 minutes You can’t be in control of your own power or make empowered choices when your perceived happiness is solely dependent on the survival of a marriage or another person. I don’t know what a good enough reason to save a marriage after an affair is. All of that is intensely personal. I do know that doing it for the kids will fail and doing it because your happiness depends on it will not lead to being happy.

If you are making a decision like this in your life get honest with yourself. If you believe that if you have to save this relationship or you will be alone forever because there’s no one else or because no one else will love you, stop dead in your tracks. I’m not saying you have to end it. I am saying you need to get straight with yourself first before you proceed. Being alone is far better than being miserable together. Self-love and self-respect have to come before reconciliation and healing.

Relate

August 15, 2018 Confluence

3 Totally Unorthodox Ways to Win at Life

Reading Time: 5 minutes Unfortunately, life doesn’t come with a manual, and yet we’re all playing by a set of rules we are programmed with. A lot of the time we aren’t even fully aware of the programming that shapes almost all of our choices, behaviors, and experiences.

We learn most of the rules we live by early in childhood. We accept those things as if they are true whether they are or aren’t. Most of the time we don’t question whether or not they’re even effective.

Because we can rarely see our programming, we spend all of our time playing the same game by the same rules. Doing the same thing over and over again will naturally produce the same result.

If you want different results in your life, you might want to change the game and the rules. The good news is you can. It’s your life. You get to do it however you’d like.