By: Lisa M. Hayes – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
I was talking to a friend a few days ago who was frustrated with her lack of results in dating. That assessment wasn’t exactly accurate because she wasn’t yet actually dating. She was contemplating upgrading her online profiles but not doing it and stewing in her angst about dating in general. However, dating wasn’t happening at all.
This is a smart woman. She knew she needed to get herself to a feel-good place regarding dating before getting the ball rolling. So she was trying very hard to manhandle her alignment around dating. It wasn’t working. She couldn’t tell herself a single feel-good story about dating that got any traction. The thought of dating didn’t feel like a good time – in fact, it felt overwhelming and unpleasant.
“All I feel like doing when I get off work is watching some TV and kicking back. I don’t feel like getting online to check on matches. I don’t feel like getting out and meeting people. I don’t have any inspiration to do much of anything.”
So, she felt stuck. We’re talking about the kind of stuck that feels serious because it’s keeping her from moving in the direction of something she really wants which is a serious relationship.
And I can so relate to that.
I am currently trying to manhandle my alignment regarding selling my house. All signs point to the fact that I’m not exactly nailing that. Biggest red flag on my failure to align is the fact that despite the fact that for weeks I’ve been saying, “We’re going to list next week”, we haven’t. I actually stopped myself before typing that last bit to send an email to just one potential realtor so I could tell myself I did something.
Want to know what I feel like doing right now?
Nothing. That’s what. I feel overwhelmed, anxious and generally crabby all the time.
And this about sums up a deliberate creators dilemma. You know inspired action is the only way to go. But what’s a creator to do when nothing feels inspired?
Good money says take no action.
However, at some point taking no action also starts to feel like crap.
Bottomline: If you’re not inspired, you’re not aligned.
When you’re aligned, inspiration shouldn’t be far behind. If you’re waiting too long for some sort of inspiration, it’s a sure sign you’re not as aligned as you might think you are. It may also be a sign you’re trying to align with the wrong thing.
I call it, “trying to manifest in the churn.” When you’re in a sailboat headed for the open ocean, there is always a patch of water between the harbor and the clear flat ocean that gets a little or a lot rough. That is what we would call the churn. It’s easy to get stuck in the harbor because you don’t want to even get into the churn. It’s also easy to get stuck in the churn if all you can focus on is the choppy water.
Simply put, we often get stuck trying to manage our alignment to something too close to where we stand.
In my friend’s case, her focus on trying to love dating was blocking her view of being in an amazing forever relationship with a man she loves her loves her back.
She doesn’t need or even want to get aligned with loving dating. Dating is not the destination. Her work is to focus on that amazing relationship and let go of micro-managing the details. If she can get dialed down on happily in love and happily ever after, inspiration will follow. It has to.
In my case, successful selling our home is not the destination.
I don’t want to be a house-selling pro. Living in Mexico is the destination. I’ve been focused on the wrong outcome. So, it’s no wonder I’m having trouble feeling inspired. My attention on getting aligned with the sale of the house process is completely making me forget how much I’m going to love living in our new home and new location.
Both of us are trying to manifest in the churn. It’s disconnecting us from focusing on what we really want to navigate towards. We’re stuck too close to where we are, getting distracted by the choppy waters.
When I think about listing our home and getting through that process, I just want to take a nap. When I think about living in Mexico and our beautiful house there, I have the energy to pack a few boxes and continue getting ready to stage.
You always want to focus on where you’re headed – the open blue water. Any sailor with experience will tell you to keep your eyes on the horizon. Overwhelm, apathy, and exhaustion are usually a product of being stuck in the churn.
It’s the same question it always is. What do you really want? We all think getting something is going to make us feel better than we do now. Feeling better now is an inside job, and it’s always accessible now. In my case, focusing on my end desired goal sure does help.
Update: In the time it took me to get this blog post done the realtor called to let me know every home he’s listed in my area has sold in a bidding war in less than three weeks. It only takes the universe a little crack of alignment to get things unstuck.
Lisa Hayes, The Love Whisperer, is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
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