By: Kwavi Agbeyegbe – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
I woke up this morning and right above me was a dark cloud. Has this ever happened to you? You wake up and you feel a wave of negative emotion slowly come over you. If you were to name the emotion, it could be shame, humiliation, hopelessness, sadness etc. The name of my visitor in the dark cloud was shame. It was almost 5 am and I was supposed to go to the gym. In that moment all I wanted to do was go back under the covers and stay in bed for the rest of the day. I even went as far as to consider canceling my plans for the weekend. Plans that involved working on several important projects for my business. The dark cloud of shame was taking over.
As difficult as it was I got out of bed, brushed my teeth and changed into my gym clothes and drove to the gym to run my 7 miles by 7 am as planned. That was my plan from the night before and I wasn’t going to let the dark cloud looming overhead hijack my chance to move. I drove silently, my default joyous mood was conspicuously absent. My top 3 moods on any given day are joy, excitement and gratitude. On this morning the mood for the day was gloom and its close sibling doom.
I let myself feel the negative emotion. I’ve met shame before and know it quite well and wasn’t going to run away from it by buffering or ignoring it, even though those 2 options were quite appealing. As a coach, I know the tremendous benefit that comes from getting to know all your feelings – good and not so good ones.
Feeling all your emotions allows you to experience life to the fullest. It allows you to feel the depths of joy and the layers of sadness as we go through the ups and downs of life. Choosing to feel one over the other is like saying you only want to be happy all the time. The choice to be happy all the time is possible but would mean that you experience happiness regardless of what is going on – death, births, accomplishments, sickness, you get my drift. Feeling all your feelings, not some is what makes us human.
I didn’t run away from the cloud, but even as I felt the dark cloud above I was determined in my state of gloom and doom not to give it full reign to consume me. I was aware and spoke to it with curiosity and compassion. What do you want from me? I asked. I was looking for answers. I didn’t get a response. The cloud wasn’t going to take over. The cloud could stay but I was going to call the shots until it was ready to make its exit. I was going to go ahead with every single task I had planned for the day even though I didn’t feel like it.
Dark clouds come and go. Some clouds visit for a short time, while others overstay their welcome, eventually, they leave. Next time a cloud comes to visit, don’t push it away or ignore it. Get curious and allow yourself to feel the emotion the cloud brings with it. And as you feel the emotion be compassionate with yourself and remember it’s an emotion. An emotion that you can experience and learn from. No matter how you’re feeling, don’t let it take control you have the upper hand and make it known.
As I write this a few hours after my encounter with the dark cloud, I still feel gloom and doom looming overhead but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it will pass and feeling all the feels (good and bad) is a major part of the glorious human experience called Life.
More by: Kwavi
I’m a Certified Weight Loss Coach + Lifestyle coach who specializes in helping bright, successful women in their 40’s and above manage their health, mindset, and waistlines. I’m an advocate for body acceptance and loving yourself from the inside out. A few years ago I noticed a lot of my clients coming in with weight gain (especially around the middle) even though they had not changed their exercise or nutrition routine.
My passion is on finding ways to help women in midlife experience a new lease on life by sharing self-care practices that help them shine during this next new phase.
I provide women with powerful tools and empowering knowledge to help them take control of their bodies while learning to embrace midlife as a transition that is an amazing and fascinating journey.
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