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lisa m hayes

Relate

How to Fix a Boring Relationship: Inquiring Reader Wants to Know

Reading Time: 3 minutes If all you have to talk about is dry cleaning and bills you should make it a priority to be doing or learning something interesting to bring to the table. The first step to fixing anything always starts with you. In this case, the fixing is fun. Basically, you probably need to be having more fun so you have some of that kind of energy to inject into your relationship.

Waiting for your relationship to relieve your boredom will never work. You have to be the spark that starts the fire.

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Relate

Why You Have To Be The Person You Want To Attract

Reading Time: 2 minutes The question to ask yourself is this, “Am I the kind of person who my dream man or woman would fall in love with, for real?”

Trust me on this, no matter where you’re at, you can and might attract someone into your life. Everyone wants to be loved by someone. However, if you aren’t the person the future love of your life would fall for, right now, should you really be dating until you are?

Probably not.

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Evolve

4 Tips for Tiny Changes that Create Big Shifts When Everything Seems to Suck

Reading Time: 5 minutes When we’re in the dumps the big changes are very seductive. It can be easy to think it’s time for massive shifts and big upgrades. 

However, that’s not the way the system really works. Big changes are hard to make and they are even harder to sustain. Big changes often don’t include the kind of incremental upgrades that really create a life transformed. Big changes look really bright and shiny, but they often set us up to fail. So while I’ve been that girl that wanted to wake up tomorrow all different than I am today, I’ve learned from experience, that baby stepping it up to feeling better is a much more effective way to go. 

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Engage

A White Person’s Guide to Doing the Right Thing When You Witness a Racist Shakedown

Reading Time: 4 minutes I recently talked to a lovely white woman who stood by quietly watching another white woman being very nasty with a black man who was walking his dog through their neighborhood. While she didn’t call the police she threatened to do just that.

This man was clearly shaken. He explained to her he lived in the neighborhood and he walked his dog there frequently. However, it escalated quickly when he wouldn’t provide her his address.

My friend stood there. She wanted to interject. She wanted to speak up, but she was terrified. However, she didn’t and the guilt was killing her. She actually crossed the street to get away from the drama and watch from a safe distance. She was seriously considering combing the neighborhood looking for this man so she could apologize – but she was afraid to do that too.

So, what is a white person to do when they witness a racist shakedown?
Crossing the street and staying silent is NOT the thing to do.

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EditorInformed

How to Win a Facebook Brawl with a Right Wing Wingnut

Reading Time: 7 minutes Almost sixty comments back and forth later, I realized there was no joy in the debate. I sent this person news stories and articles from more than 25 separate news sources, including Miltary.com and The Bush Foundation website. None of it landed. Don’t judge me for my back-ally comment fight with an idiot. I said all the things you wish you could a lot of the time. You can thank me later.

It ended when my right wing, wingnut “friend” started repeatedly telling me I was ignorant. I enlisted the help of family members to assist me in causing him a heart attack after he expressed he was very angry multiple times and suggested I was causing him a severe headache. The last comment exchanged was from my sister who boldly told him he didn’t want to get in an IQ competition with me – actually, it stopped when my child threw up a stop sign emoticon at the bottom of the comments.

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Relate

5 Rules for a Great First Date

Reading Time: 4 minutes First of all, I’d like to say, good for you, for getting out there. Dating is a courageous act. To keep doing it when you feel like you’re not doing well is downright brave! Secondly, I’d prefer not to focus on what’s going wrong, because it’s anyone’s guess. Without a hidden camera and a microphone at this point, we might never know. Not to mention, you might be doing everything right, but now that you’ve come to expect a less than perfect result, that’s what you’re getting.

Secondly, I’d prefer not to focus on what’s going wrong, because it’s anyone’s guess. Without a hidden camera and a microphone at this point, we might never know. Not to mention, you might be doing everything right, but now that you’ve come to expect a less than perfect result, that’s what you’re getting.

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Informed

This Is Not Who We Are – Except It Is and It Always Has Been

Reading Time: 3 minutes The unrelenting pressure on the Trump administration to stop the family separations may pay off. More importantly, it may signal that this is not who we want to be anymore. For those families, and especially for those children, it’s an unconscionably high price to pay for us, as a nation, to find a moral compass that won’t allow that kind of human mistreatment moving forward.

However, generations of black and brown people in our country are still paying the price for a reality most of us do not want to remember. Until we own our past, it is unlikely we will ever fully learn how to stop the cycle of history repeating itself.

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Informed

A Get Real Q&A About Immigration

Reading Time: 4 minutes There is no process for due entry. At this point, immigrants and asylum seekers are being told if they enter the border at legal entry points they will not be separated from their families, (read we won’t steal your children). However, those entry points are closed. They arrive at the legal entry points and are turned away. This is a direct violation of international law, but Trump’s current policy has closed the Southern borders to asylum seekers.

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