Q: My husband and I have been married for four years. We’ve had a relatively tame but satisfying sex life. Recently though, the topic of sex clubs has come up. I’m both intrigued and intimidated. We know we don’t want a fully open relationship. However, an occasional wild night seems like it might be fun.
A: What a nice idea! Sex clubs can be sparse in your area, or non-existent if you live in places with extremely conservative laws like Alabama (where it’s currently very difficult to buy a sex toy unless you have a doctor’s note). Look in adult directories online or porn shop magazines, because they sometimes have ads for venues or meetup groups, but it can take a bit of searching. I just used Bing.com and Google.com to search “public sex club near me” and found both sex clubs AND strip clubs listed, and no, these are not the same.
Determine what “wild night” means to you and him: Do you want to watch on your first visit and maybe play with other people on a later visit? What is he interested in? Does he want to dance with other people, flirt with other people? I first went with a particular boyfriend and we discovered quickly that I was comfortable and he was not.
What is the status of your sexual health? Whether it’s contact sports or public fucking, skin friction is skin friction and often there are bodily fluids exchanged. Just because you’ve never had a symptom doesn’t mean you don’t have an STI or STD, it means you might be the approximate 90% of asymptomatic folks who never get tested and infect other partners. A plain ol’ STI like chlamydia can be handled with one round of antibiotics, but twenty years of infection can actually destroy your organs. So know your status; get tested if you and your beau haven’t already.
You deserve to be comfortable in the venue, so feel free to ask the staff for information: how often is bedding changed, are there condoms available? Lube? Water? Clean bathrooms? Is there anyone to monitor the spaces or assist me if I feel that another guest is being harassed. Adult venues can run the gamut of exceptional to disgraceful like any other place of business, so be on the lookup for places that aim for high standards of cleanliness and conduct.
If you’re near Portland Oregon, I recommend Sanctuary PDX and Privata. I’ve also heard good things about Catalyst. Feel free to send me your suggestions!
More by Elle:
I’m 46-years-old and I Haven’t Had an Orgasm in Almost Two Years… Help!
Elle Stanger is a queer femme sex worker and parent. Listen to her award-nominated UnzippedPDX podcast on iTunes and find her at stripperwriter.com.
Elle is available for email coaching by appointment at ellestangerpdx@gmail.com.
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