lisa cavallaro

Reading Time: 3 minutes By: Lisa Cavallaro  – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the…

Reading Time: 2 minutes Words mean what we make them mean. Words mean different things to different people. We get to decide what words mean to us. Someone may attempt to insult us, but WE get to decide whether those words will or will not insult us.

This is true power. This is what kids want to learn. We all seem to be in agreement that kids deserve to feel protected. But they don’t want to feel like they need someone to do the job for them. Kids want to know how to protect themselves.

Reading Time: 2 minutes If we want kids to feel good about themselves, feel like they matter and know they’re enough, then we’re going to have to step up and become MAJOR influencers in their lives. 

How do we do it? We make our message louder and clearer than the messages kids receive through social media and their peers.

Not easy. But if we want our kids to feel the kind of confidence that stands firm in the face of bullies, then this is our work.

Reading Time: 2 minutes The mistreatment kids encounter through bullying can be infuriating and sad. 

It’s also a mirror image of daily adult life.

So let’s prepare them.

Even eternal optimists know that pretending we’ll ever be able to end bullying is a gross misconception. 

A much wiser use of our time would be helping kids respectfully thrive amidst it.

Reading Time: 2 minutes People who bully aren’t bad people. They just learned a way of getting things they want… like power, friends, money, laughs… by doing things that hurt other people. They don’t necessarily intend to hurt others, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

It’s not our job to teach bullies how their actions affect other people. But for our own good, we ARE responsible for understanding their behavior as a demonstration of THEIR weaknesses, not ours.

Reading Time: 2 minutes Often the approach to dealing with bullying is to try to stop the bully. However, that approach often leaves children less empowered and still at risk of being bullied again and again. 

What if we took our focus off the bully and instead taught our children to be bully-proof? By empowering our children to be confident we can teach them skills that last a lifetime. Bully-proofing our children can be done. The skills are teachable. 

Reading Time: 3 minutes Kids know that sexual assault is about sex and that it involves the body. But what kids also need to know is that at its core, sexual assault is a violent form of aggression and is disrespectful of another person’s boundaries. Kids need us to talk to them about aggression, boundaries and respect for others. But that’s not enough. 

What kids desperately need is to witness healthy examples of adults showing respect for the boundaries of others–including not using aggression to get what we want.

Reading Time: 3 minutes So, if you’re ever thinking this summer that you really “should” do more to keep your kids busy, you might want to think again. 

Encourage them to come up with their own ideas. If possible, you can provide the support when they ask for rides, money, supervision and supplies. 

They may balk at first, thinking it’s easier for Mom to do things for them. In the short run, that may be true. But by putting the ball in their court, you’re conveying your faith in their ability to create their own good time. You’re letting them know that you believe they can do it. And they can.

You’re also taking the pressure off yourself which is a good thing in itself.

Reading Time: 3 minutes As I tell kids, having a civil conversation with someone who’s trying to dominate you is a smart idea. Keep in mind you’ll have to be the one who initiates the conversation and you’ll also have to be the one who keeps it civil. So, before you actually have the conversation, practice it in your mind a few times until you’re comfortable with it and feel really good about having it.

Taking this step will do wonders for anyone who’s confidence has been shaken by a power-hungry aggressor because initiating the talk and taking the lead in the conversation is breaking the old pattern and starting a new one… where the aggressor is not in charge.

Reading Time: 2 minutes Today I watched yet another video of a child sharing her experiences with bullying as she asked adults to stop it from ever happening again.

Through tears and sniffles, this beautiful child managed to read her sad letter to a room full of school administrators and parents. She was definitely heard by these caring adults and no doubt these people WILL do something. 

The question is, will whatever they do actually make this little girl’s life better? 

As difficult as it was for that little girl to ask for change, asking someone else to make the change seems easier than making the change yourself.