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I don’t expect you to not be fatphobic. That would be ridiculous. Because we live in a world where it is pervasive and it is woven into the fabric of our existence. It is in my being too. There are moments, still, when I think that that being thin would be THE ANSWER. I don’t pretend otherwise. But I know that line of thinking is a lie. I know that there are places within me that have learned to embody the Self-hatred as a survival and protective mechanism.
So no, I don’t expect you to not be fatphobic.
But I do expect you to be aware that it lives with in you.
I do expect you to be aware of how you spread that particular bullshit and hatred.
I do expect you to acknowledge when you project your own fears and ingrained nonsense out into the world instead of acting like you didn’t mean it.
I expect you to not to make fat shaming jokes, no matter “funny” or “just a joke” you may think they are. It’s 2019 I shouldn’t have to tell you not to make fun of people.
I expect you to not make statements about how fat stems from some deep sense of self-hatred or any other issue. The truth is you have NO FUCKING IDEA why someone is fat. NONE! We all have issues. EVERY ONE OF US. EVEN YOU!! Your fear of being fat and all that it means, is yours. You might feel if you were to become fat it would be rooted in self-hatred. Fine. But that means that your ache to be skinny is also rooted in Self-hatred. So stop and deal with your own shit. Ok?
I expect you to not equate fat with bad. With sad. With undesirable. With ugly. With shameful. With out of control. At least out loud. Again, I know these things are deeply ingrained. I know it can be a struggle to not think these things about your Self. I get it. But shut the fuck up…don’t say it out loud unless you are seeking assistance in healing. And you deserve to be free of this hatred. Truly!
I expect you to not make statements about caring about fat people’s health in regards to their weight. You don’t. Let’s not pretend otherwise. Are you reaching out to all the thin people who post about eating all the pizza, drinking all the booze and not sleeping? Probably not. Let’s just be honest…that line of thinking is a way to protect your Self from your fears and shame someone else in the process. Stop.
Also, no one of any size owes you their health. NO ONE!
I expect you to never say things about how a fat person’s presence/inclusion is promoting obesity. Fat people deserve to be happy just like everyone else. They don’t have to be in miserable weight loss mode to be acceptable.
And while we are here…
I won’t celebrate your weight loss. You get to do whatever you want with your body. Go you. But I am not here to praise you for having a body that is more socially acceptable.
I am not interested in hearing about your weight loss/wellness disguised as weight loss business. Be mindful of the system you have bought into and the damage you are spreading.
I am not interested in hearing language like good or bad when it comes to your how you are restricting your food. You are not good or bad because of what you have or have not eaten.
I am not interested in hearing about the 5 pounds you gained, how you are afraid of being fat, how you feel fat or any thing like that unless you are in the actual process of healing.
Like I said, I don’t expect you to not be fat phobic. But I do expect you to do the work to not spread/reinforce/do harm with that bullshit (just as I hold that same expectation for all forms of hate including racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc….just as I hold the same expectation with my Self…because oh yeah we live in those systems too!).
Carrying around that fatphobia will ultimately hurt you. Do the work. There are people, therapists, healers, coaches who can help you heal. I am one of those people even.
I don’t care what you have to do…stop spreading that hate.
I am tired of shitty memes, shitty opinions and just all around shittiness. JUST STOP!
More by Jo Anna:
The Amazing Human Experience – Not What You Might Think It Is
Hi! I’m Jo Anna. Jo Anna Dane, MA if we’re being fancy.
I believe the purpose of life is to have an amazing human experience. One where we honor the invitations of our Soul, end the war within and step into the fullness of our being. I work Root to Core to Crown, helping people destroy old stories, create new grooves and become who they have always been. I guide folks in 40 day inner explorations where we heal those big old “if only” issues and live in the embodiment of our truth. I’ve also created a revelatory dance & movement practice called RootCoreCrown.
I love to cook, to write and work on puzzles.
And…I know the secret to the perfect s’more.
My website is :http://joannadane.com/
You can friend me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joannadanerothman
Learn more about The RootCoreCrown Dance Practice: https://www.facebook.com/RootCoreCrownDance
Or find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlcooks/
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